Too Late, American Cancer Society. Your Money Is Already Tainted.
Author’s note: the FBB does not exchange pornography for bibles. This activity is known as “Smut for Smut,” and is an activity done by many college freethought clubs to bring attention to the illicit content within the bible its self (Lot and his daughters is the most infamous example). This is an example of the level of creativity and boldness such clubs would bring to the table if recruited to raise money for the American Cancer Society.
I’ll say this clearly, right up front: The American Cancer Society did not explicitly reject a massive donation offer from a non-theistic organization on the basis of it being a non-theistic organization.
Big mistake, ACS.
Not only have you made yourselves look like bigots, you’ve turned down an epic alliance. Todd Stiefel has already pointed out that we are legion, well networked, and growing. I will also point out that we are creative, highly motivated, and shameless attention whores.
Just take a look at this activity page from the Secular Student Alliance. We are willing to sell our souls to raise awareness and money. Literally. We are also willing to sport mohawks, have things thrown at us, give away pornography for bibles, give out free hugs, overdose on homeopathy, dress like spaghetti, dress like pirates, talk like pirates, walk under ladders, and even go to church! Needless to say, we go above and beyond the usual bake sale.
And we get results. Just this summer, in a single month a notorious crew of internet heathens (here, here, here and here too) raised over $30,000 for scholarships to send children to Camp Quest. This is how they did it:
Apparently you haven’t heard, ACS, but now I’m telling you. We don’t fuck around.
That’s what you left on the table, ACS: not only half a million dollars, but also amazing talent, creativity, and enthusiasm. All because you seem to think you are too good for atheist money.
It’s too late, though, ACS. Your money is already tainted. This is what an atheist raising money for the American Cancer Society looks like:
That’s me back in 2006. For a free-will donation to the American Cancer Society, people could stick a hand print on my 1990 Toyota Corolla. And if you think it is trivial to get permanent purple paint on a car in the shape of donors’ hand prints without getting paint on the donors, think again.
You just thumbed your nose at thousands of such current and potential donors and volunteers. It takes a real hero to pass over genuinely good people you don’t want to be seen with. Way to fight for the cure!